Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
