your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
