On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
