don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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