Someone shit on the floor
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize