all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
