My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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