he referred to my room as the tit cave...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
