I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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