So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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