just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
