If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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