So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
