I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize