I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
