I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
