the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
