Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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