He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
