I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
