I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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