I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
