Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize