we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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