They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
People with herpes should wear stickers.
only if we run a train.
done.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
