Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
