Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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