Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
