dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
