I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
