HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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