all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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