Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Randomize