me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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