Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Randomize
