I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize