my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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