oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
