dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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