It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
