I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
We need a shit load of segways right now
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
