it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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