Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
