Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
my liver is dry heaving
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
