Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
