Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
