My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
