I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
