HIV tests are more positive than that guy
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
