dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
