I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
