Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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