Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
