Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
