Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
