Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
This house was built for laser tag.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
