I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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