remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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