I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
zippers are such a cool invention
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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