my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Someone came in the potted fern
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
