Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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