whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
