i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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