Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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