You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
