Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
