i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
