wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
