in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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