I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
